


The Cold Hollow Where a Soul Should Be

by Immicolia



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Canonical Character Death, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Mind Sex, Other, more implied than overt though, secondhand emotions, weird Ignis sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 03:02:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17799905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immicolia/pseuds/Immicolia
Summary: The only time Lightning feels anything close to emotions is when he's with Windy.





	The Cold Hollow Where a Soul Should Be

**Author's Note:**

> So somehow the fic I was going to write involving Lightning being incapable of mourning because I have an eternal headcanon that he can't feel emotions wound up turning into almost 4K words worth of me deciding that a form of emotional rapid data transfer is totally part of how Ignises would have sex. The other half being that their bodies are probably a little bit like slimes or something.
> 
> Also this totally exists to indulge my need to see Lightning as the somewhat submissive one in the relationship for once.

Lightning feels nothing.

This fact became most evident after the Knights of Hanoi's first attack. The one that resulted in Ai sealing them all away from the rest of the network. The others went through a whole gamut of reactions, from shaken to worried to incensed.

And Lightning felt nothing beyond the mildest concern. The Knights of Hanoi, humans in general, were a problem to be solved. He and the other Ignis may be safe at the moment due to the Dark Ignis' actions but that safety likely wouldn't last. Something would need to be done. Fortification first, safeguards beyond the seal that had been put in place, then reconstruction, then debate.

The others admired him for his cool head in the face of their whole world nearly being torn apart, but the simple truth was he was incapable of anything more. Where the others saw strength, he only saw a glaring flaw. Something they have that he lacks.

And in the same moment he realizes this glaring lack in himself he decides. If he is to be their leader he can show no weakness.

They can never know.

Weeks pass, then months, then years and although things almost return to an idyllic status quo, there is still an underlying tension.

What to be done about humanity.

Lightning only sees one path, cold and objective. Humans attempted to destroy them once and they will try again. And again. Over and over until one side falls and Lightning will not be on the losing side. He (all of them) have a purpose, grand and beautiful. One that he will not fail in.

And so there are debates, circular things that only end when Windy inevitably storms off in a huff. No conclusive decision ever made. A troubling set of factions growing alongside the disagreement. Water and Fire united despite their opposing elements. Earth quietly choosing to abstain for the time being. And Wind....

At some point Windy becomes inseparable from him. A constant presence at Lightning's side, fidgety and annoyed and ever complaining about the others. Lounging about within arm's length while Lightning puzzles over the problem of humanity, of how to convince the others his path is the correct one. Occasionally breaking into his thoughts with some distraction or another.

"You study humans a lot, right?"

The question is an absent, half interested thing. Coming late one afternoon while the pair of them idle on one of the cliffs in Windy's little slice of Cyberse. A quiet spot that is occasionally buffeted by sharp, chilling, gusts of air yet still kissed by the full dazzling warmth of the sun. A perfect midpoint between their elements.

Lightning responds with a vague hum. The answer, he feels, is self-evident given the small stack of books he'd been working his way through that afternoon. Not that books are anywhere remotely near necessary. They're props more than anything. Something to touch and hold out of a hope that perhaps if he absorbs the data the same way humans do the actions of their predecessors will make more sense.

"Hey." A hand on his thigh. A shoulder bumping against his, jostling the book in his hands enough that he nearly loses his place, and Lightning sighs.

"I know there's a point you're angling towards, so get to it."

Windy's face scrunches, eyes narrowing in annoyance. "I was _trying_ to play coy, you know. But fine. Do you think we're capable of mating?"

That is enough to draw his full attention, the book in his hands vanishing into a stream of pixels as he snaps it shut and _stares_ at Windy. At the way the other's head is tilted to one side, curious and obviously aiming for something along the lines of enticing. "What brought this on?"

"Just curious~" There is a faint lilt to Windy's tone, light and teasing. Both of his hands curled around Lightning's thighs now as he leans in close to press their foreheads together. "I've done some looking into how humans work too, you know. Since we _are_ supposed to be their successors or whatever."

"Being humanity's successor means that we improve upon them. We don't need to mate." Lightning's voice is as flat and unshakable as ever, even with Windy's thumbs rubbing teasing circles against the pliant surface of his skin. Every movement eager. Excitable. So undeniably Windy.

"So what? There are plenty of creatures out there that mate for pleasure. Why shouldn't we try it?"

"The problem is that we have no reasonable analogue to it. We are effectively immortal, beyond the need to reproduce. Therefo--"

His voice abruptly chokes to a halt as one of Windy's hands slips between his legs and pushes _in_. Long fingers teasing against something that sends a jolt through the very core of him and on some distant level he can hear Windy's voice, "So we do it like everything we do. Use humans as a base and then improve." It's so very far away though. Miles away compared when to the immediacy of that touch.

It's... pleasant. But more than that it's....

Something.

For the first time he can remember over the span of his entire life, Lightning feels... something. A churning rush of _I love him I love him I want him I love him_ that he realizes after a moment must belong to Windy.

It leaves him weak. Barely aware of the way his own hands tremble, fingers curling against Windy's shoulders, uncertain if he should push away or cling. Cling as tightly as possible because now that it's there he realizes what he is missing and he's not sure he could ever live without it again.

Some strange forever distant part of him wonders what Windy might be feeling in return. If Lightning can feel the whirlwind of emotion that coils through Windy, can he feel how cold and hollow Lightning is. The stark emptiness. That thing that makes him less than....

Without any warning Windy's hand pulls back. The storm of emotion fading with the contact and only his own pride stops Lighting from crying out at the lack. His expression carefully guarded as he studies Windy's face. Those wide, dazed, crimson eyes and when Windy speaks it's an enraptured whisper.

"You're so bright."

Lightning says nothing. All he can do is grab Windy's wrist with a shaking hand and guide it back downwards, back inside him. A shudder running through them both at the contact.

They stay that way until the sun sets.  
  


* * *

  
All of the Ignises notice when the seal on Cyberse comes undone. The flow of data material to the network at large resumes and although their security remains in place there is an unspoken question of "how long?" How long will the defences hold? How long before the Knights of Hanoi try again?

How long can this stalemate between two factions last?

Both sides are unshakable in their beliefs and even now with the threat looming all the more overtly Flame and Aqua will not back away from the idea of coexistence. It's frustrating to say the least, and outside of meeting after fruitless meeting Lightning prefers to not deal with either of them anymore. He simply retreats to his section of Cyberse and thinks. Plans. Windy at his side more often than not.

Windy who is more a distraction than anything, but one Lightning can't quite deny. He's come to crave the contact, the wild rush of second-hand feelings that tear through him when they come together. Their bodies mimicking the clumsy motions of the humans they both look down upon.

"I have a plan," Lightning says one evening, trying his best to ignore the way Windy's body shudders and presses him tight against the nearest wall. The debate that ended only a few minutes before had been vicious and pure frustration is evident in every single motion.

Windy is furious, desperate for an outlet. And _this_ has become their outlet. The insistent pressure of some part of Windy (hand or conjured tentacle, he can't quite tell) teasing against the pliant membrane between his legs almost enough to drive all the thoughts and plans that have been slowly coming together entirely out of his head.

 _"Don't you want to?"_ the rhythmic push seems to ask. _"You know it feels good."_ Some traitorous portion of himself weakens in response, melting against the touch.

"We can do this later." It takes everything Lightning has to reach down, to curl his fingers around that part of Windy (tentacle this time, thick and eager and twitching in his hand) and gently guide him away. The tip so close to breaching him, Lightning's own body nearly open and eager for the storm of borrowed emotion it would set loose inside.

There is no time for any of that.

"Later," he repeats, the single word harsh and shaky, although who he's aiming it at is uncertain. Windy huffs, but complies. Whines, "Fiiiiiine," and steps back. That tiny amount of distance enough to allow Lightning to metaphorically breathe.

"What I'm about to propose is risky," he says after a moment of gathering his thoughts. "There will be no going back if we take this course of action."

"What is it already?" Windy is fidgeting, rocking back and forth on his heels, just as he always does when he's bored. Forever impatient and Lightning sighs.

"Cyberse World has to be destroyed."

 _That_ is enough to gain Windy's full attention. His whole body goes still, crimson eyes wide. Only able to choke out a disbelieving hiss of, "What?" at Lightning's words.

"I have been over every potential outcome. The others will not be moved without drastic action. They are content to debate the prospect of cohabitation with humanity until said humans eventually destroy us. So the most reasonable course of action is to give them that destruction. Or rather, a taste of it at the very least."

Windy is silent and for a moment Lightning wonders if this is a step too far. Too much. It _seems_ the most reasonable path forward but that is only his perspective after hours, days, _months_ of puzzling over it. Perhaps he's too close to the problem and grasping at a solution that is far too extreme. Perhaps....

"You're sure about this?" Windy's voice is low, careful but interested, and Lightning nods.

"I am."

"All right." There is an eerie sort of calm to the words. Flat and emotionless, almost like the way Lightning is all the time. Windy's entire body has gone still, the breathless eye of a hurricane. "If that's what it takes, let's do it."

"This isn't a decision to be made lightly."

"I'm not. I trust you. If this is what you think we need to do, then we'll do it. All you have to do is give the word."

"There are still a few things to prepare. But... soon."

"Just tell me when you're ready. Now--" Windy's eyes narrow mischievously and his arms once more settle around Lightning's body. "Since that's out of the way can we actually have some fun?"

A response, a sighing, "I suppose," catches in the back of Lightning's throat as Windy's hand slips back between his legs. The touch teasing but insistent and it only takes a moment before Lightning is splayed open and drinking in the connection. Everything Windy feels rolling through him, a line of rapid data transfer pushing deep. Deeper. All the way down to the hollow core of Lightning and filling him up.

These moments make him realize how _empty_ he is and his fingers dig into Windy's back.  
  


* * *

  
The day Windy kills his Origin he's wilder than usual. Even more than he was on the day they went through with The Plan. A vicious tangle of nervous energy that grabs Lightning by the wrist and shoves him to the floor. The connection that follows rough and fast and a steady thrum of _love you love you love you love you don't need anyone but you_ tears its way through Lightning's mind on a loop. Blowing away the faint thread of disapproval he'd held when Windy first told him.

After it ends Lighting feels emptier than usual. Desperate to reach out, pull Windy close, do it all over again, and he is just shy of throwing one leg over Windy's hip to straddle him when he realizes what he's doing. How _dangerous_ it is to crave this so much.

That he cannot feel may be his only flaw, but it is also something he has forged into his greatest strength. He can't let that strength slip away with some bizarre addiction to secondhand emotion.

"Again?" Windy purrs, satisfaction thick in his voice and Lightning shakes his head. His movements indifferent as he brushes Windy's hand aside and sits up.

"Killing your Origin was short sighted." His voice is harsh, far sharper than he wants it to be and Windy's eyes narrow in response to Lightning's judgemental tone.

"Why? Eliminating humans is the entire plan and it's not like we need him."

"You don't know that. Like it or not we are connected to them. There is no way to know if removing your Origin will have any ill effects."

Windy scoffs at that. "Ill effects? I'm fine. Didn't feel a thing. You should do yours too." He rolls onto his stomach, feet idly kicking. His chin propped in his hands. "I mean you got his consciousness right here. Just snuff him. It's like a giant weight off."

For a moment, a fraction of a fraction of a second, he considers it. It would run counter to his plans, but would it actually be a determent? The plan was always to keep his Origin close, to make sure that Jin Kusanagi would never affect him. Could it really cause that much harm to eliminate him outright?

It's impossible to tell. Too far outside of known parameters to speculate on and unlike Windy he cannot take that kind of a risk with his own wellbeing.

His plans, his entire reason for being, are far too important for that. And as he shakes his head Windy lets out a huffy sigh.

"Your loss."

"That remains to be seen, doesn't it?"

Another huff (this one disgusted and annoyed) as Windy heaves himself to his feet. "Whatever. If you don't want to play around anymore I got other things to do. You can go lounge around on your precious Origin and read boring human books." His small form zipping from the room before Lightning has a chance to retort.

There are times when Lightning wonders if Windy has guessed the entirety of his plans. If he knows that the independence he clings to so fiercely is a fleeting thing and that soon there will be nothing but Bowman. They are so close when they connect and Lightning can't help but wonder what it is that Windy sees, feels, while Lighting is lost in the wild storm of Windy's emotions.

Has he not seen enough to guess? Does he know and simply not care? Or does he believe that only the ones that side with humans will be absorbed.

Too many unknowns, it's impossible to tell. And ultimately irrelevant. There are far more important things to worry about.

The next step of the plan is both the most important and the riskiest. The one that Lightning cannot reasonably predict the outcome to. Which isn't surprising because if there is one thing he has never been able to predict it is Ai. Ai who is even more wild and frivolous and free than Windy is.

There is a moment where he wonders what it would be like to connect with Ai in the way he does with Windy. What he'd feel in such an encounter. Ai was always the wildest of them. The most carefree. The most _human_.

It's a question that can never be answered because Ai doesn't turn and the meeting only falls apart from there.

It takes everything Lightning has to stand impassive while Windy screams his name in agony and begs to be saved. A hundred different calculations running through his mind as second after agonizing second ticks past. How powerful is the Hanoi's virus? How long can he risk waiting? How long before Windy is irrecoverable? How long....

"Lightning!"

Ai's voice snaps him into action. The test complete. Just as Lightning is rooted in cold logic, Ai is a raw tangle of emotion. He is emotional and he still cares. About all of them.

And just like Lightning's inability to feel, feeling too much is both a strength and a weakness. One that Lightning will not hesitate to exploit if need be.  
  


* * *

  
It becomes obvious once the virus ravaging Windy's body is brought under control that he will never recover, and when Lightning says as much the response is vicious and violent.

"Stop looking at me like that!" The words a howling shriek, a storm of pain and dismay and fury and from where he stands on his Origin's wrist Lighting can see the way Windy's hands flex. Can feel a shudder work its way along his back and through his shoulders as he thinks about what might happen if they were on the same level. If Lightning were within Windy's reach.

"Like what?" He keeps his voice distant and even. Indifferent.

"You know _exactly_ what. Like you pity me."

"I don't."

It's the truth. He doesn't feel pity. He feels nothing at all. Nothing but a strange sort of curiosity at the damage that has been done. The virus may be nullified and no longer a threat but it is still irreparable and he wonders what those sickly violet smudges on Windy's otherwise unblemished skin would feel like under his fingertips.

The urge is enough that he hops down from his perch to the edge of the pool and waves his Origin away. His hand reaching out to close around Windy's wrist, intent on tugging him close, and Windy hisses as Lightning's fingers feather against one of the patches of corruption.

It's rough under his hand and Lightning murmurs, "Does it hurt?"

"Of course it hurts! I nearly died." He shakes off Lightning's loose grip, single remaining eye blazing furiously. "Do you even care?"

It's a question he knows he shouldn't hesitate on. One that is properly answered with a simple, "of course," and there is truth in that answer. Windy dying is not conductive to his plan. He needs him. But that is not what Windy means when he asks.

"You mean do I love you?" Lightning asks in return and Windy laughs.

"Sure. Why not? Do you?"

"Yes," he lies, if only because it's easier.

In return Windy's hands close around Lightning's arms, fingers pressing against, _into_ the skin there. Deep enough that Lightning can already feel the faint thud of emotion pounding through him. Desperate need and love and revulsion and hate all swirling around and tripping over one another and he knows exactly what Windy is going to say even before the single hissing word escapes.

"Liar."

There's nothing Lightning can say to that. Instead he simply leans back, lets his back touch the cool stone edge of the pool even as he reaches out and rests his hands on Windy's hips. Tugging him close and letting him settle between his legs and soon enough everything vanishes under the raging storm that pulses into him with every vicious grind of Windy's hips against his. A dizzying tangle that he's never felt before.

 _The only reason I don't love you is because I can't_ he thinks. Idly wondering if Windy can hear it under the screaming of his own feelings.

If Windy does hear, he gives no indication of it. Retreating to the opposite end of the pool once he finishes cursing and shuddering against Lightning's body and after a few moments Lightning calls his Origin back.

"Things are close to the end. Rest as much as you can, you'll need to be at your best." He drifts back to his position on his Origin's wrist without a glance backwards and leaves. Not waiting for a response.  
  


* * *

  
The words of Earth's Origin spark something inside him. The first thing Lightning has ever felt entirely on his own. A violent poisonous rage that he knows rolled through his own Origin as well and for a moment, for one sweet satisfying moment, he almost gives into it.

His Origin was just on the cusp of squeezing his fist closed. Of outright destroying that boy's consciousness (and it would have been so satisfying to do so, to watch it shatter into nothing and leave the useless piece of meat outside the network empty and dead) when Lightning stopped him.

He cannot allow himself to be baited into acting rashly. He has a plan, and that plan must be held to.

Earth's Origin has a use.

That is what he repeats to himself. Over and over. Something to cling to even as anger continues to seethe just below the placid surface he presents to the world.

He wants to grab Windy. Pull him close and curl around him. To let the viciousness still churning inside him tangle against the madness Windy has all but succumbed to. To take a moment to do nothing but _feel_ in a way he never has before.

But there is no time for that. They need to move on with defeating Playmaker and his allies. They need to move on with their plans. They need to end this war as quickly and definitively as possible.

And then. Then....

There will be no time for it afterwards either. Because by then Bowman will be perfect and they will all become one.

For a moment, a faint flickering moment, he almost feels something else. Wistful perhaps? A faint sorrow that he and Windy will never be able to connect like they have again.

It doesn't matter. These things are distractions. His strength (his weakness) has always been that he has never had to deal with emotion of any sort save for those flickering moments when he and Windy come together.

"Leave Revolver for later," Lightning says as he enters the observation room. The cool words enough to draw an annoyed, and entirely unsurprising, protest from Windy. He wants revenge. It's expected. And it's exactly why Windy shouldn't be the one to duel him. It's too risky. Windy has grown only more erratic and impulsive since his loss, the odds of him losing again....

Too high. Especially against Revolver. Lightning has so few allies as it is, losing Windy would be a determent. A minor one, but still a determent. That's why can't risk it.

Not because it would hurt.

He can't be hurt.

That's what he tells himself when Windy screams his name again. Just like before. Desperate to be saved.

He can't be hurt and there is no time for sorrow.

Without Windy he can't quite feel it anyway.


End file.
